Bringing a baby into the world can be an emotional roller coaster ride. During the nine months of pregnancy, feelings can wax and wane between excitement, joy, fear, and frustration. In the end, for most women it is a wonderful or at least, a rewarding, experience. However, how you'll feel during pregnancy is only one aspect of thinking things through carefully before becoming pregnant. The decision to bring a child into the world is one that requires carefully consideration, with the full intention to acknowledge all the responsibilities that this comes with. Many parents who get pregnant before they have fully discussed the various issues associated with pregnancy, childbirth and parenthood find themselves overwhelmed by the prospect of raising a child. By preparing emotionally for a pregnancy, you can eliminate some of the negative emotions that develop as a result of being emotionally unprepared.
Steps:
1.Speak with your partner openly about intentions and desires regarding raising a family. One of the worst mistakes that a couple can make is to delay the conversation about pregnancy and child raising until it is too late. It also unhelpful to be furtive about intentions, not talking but taking risks that expose you to pregnancy without sharing your hopes and wishes for the future with your partner. There are many important questions and concerns that should be discussed before starting a family. Some individuals have specific timelines in mind regarding a family, while others may care only about the number of children they have. Discussing all of the details surrounding raising a family is the first step in emotionally preparing for a pregnancy and is a sign that you have the maturity needed to become a parent to a small being who needs your every ounce of calm guidance. To begin your discussions about pregnancy and parenthood with your partner, try these approaches:
- If you feel uncertain, use a celebrity or television pregnancy as a springboard to discussion. Make comments about how you would feel about being pregnant like the person you're discussing and then lead into a discussion about the possibilities of pregnancy for the two of you.
- Tell your partner how you feel now about pregnancy. If you feel ready, then make this clear. Be sure that it is at a time in your lives where you're both stable enough and able to start raising a family––early on in a relationship is often an unrealistic time to raise this possibility, as is a time of emotional or financial turmoil in your lives.
- If your partner remains ambivalent, be considerate. It may take time to bring him or her around to your way of thinking and easy does it. Avoid badgering him or her, or insisting that you keep talking about it regularly. Give it a rest for a few months before returning to the discussion––this will give your partner time to think about what you've said.
2.Find useful and constructive information to inform your conversation. It's one thing to imagine what it must be like to be pregnant, and quite another to be in possession of the real facts and issues. It's recommended that you do a little research first and find useful resources to guide both of you in understanding fully what's at stake. A good place to start is with printed resources, such as self-help books, pregnancy books, parenting books, self-discovery books and resources printed by parenting and baby care groups. Such resources will help both of you to explore the health and emotional issues associated with pregnancy, including risks and stresses. Moreover, be sure to read beyond the pregnancy stage and read about early childhood, including about child raising impacts on your own choices of livelihood and lifestyle. Forewarned is forearmed and it is much better to know how you'll juggle two jobs, volunteer work, caring for an ailing parent and raising a newborn baby before you set out having a child than to find yourself suddenly having to work out the hows once the baby is born.
- Draw on naturally available, realistic sources of information––family members and friends who have already experienced raising children. Discuss the emotional nature of pregnancy and parenthood with trusted friends and family members. Individuals who have experience with pregnancy and parenthood can provide you with helpful advice and resources that can prepare you for the emotional changes that you will experience and the lingering emotional transformation caused by a newborn baby.
3.Consider starting a journal in which you can document all the feelings associated with the emotional pregnancy journey, including the decision to try to get pregnant. You might not even be the type who keeps a diary normally but this is probably the one time in your life when you'll love being able to look back and see what you experienced, as well as let your child read the entries some day. There is also a more practical element to doing this––it enables you to keep track of the highs and lows of your feelings and moods, which can be vital in reminding you that you are sane, it's just that tiredness and feeling a little blue at times can turn you into someone you least expected! A journal can be many things––it can help you organize your thoughts as you collect information from various sources, it can be a place for expressing your feelings, it can be where you keep price comparisons for all the baby items you think you need to get and it can be a place to keep medical notes too.
- Be sure to include information that you receive from conversations with your spouse or partner, suggestions from friends and family members as well as the facts that you absorb from print resources. Nurse and doctor suggestions that are helpful rather than medical in nature can also be kept in the journal for referring back to––in particular, midwives will have much helpful advice in general to impart.
4.Invest in a suitable method of contraception until you are ready to intentionally create a child. The most common cause of feeling emotionally unprepared is an accidental pregnancy. Your concerns can range from whether you've consumed alcohol during the baby's first weeks of formation, whether you've had adequate nutrition to give the baby the best start in life, through to whether you're actually ready at this point in time. Avoid these worries by properly planning when you want to conceive and only remove contraception from your regular routine when you choose the time. This way, you will both maintain control over the outcome and start off with the desire to create a family on your own terms.
5.Evaluate the financial ramifications of a pregnancy and of raising a child. Financial instability can contribute to emotional unpreparedness surrounding a pregnancy. Children are little "cost centers" and it's essential to have the means to care for a child properly or you'll risk feeling overwhelmed and possibly even resentful. Discuss the financial details openly with your partner, including expectations about who will take time off work and when, if at all, the partner principally responsible for at-home baby care will return to work. If you choose to be a stay-at-home mom or dad, there will need to be very clear financial strategies set in place to ensure that this decision doesn't mean you're stretched beyond your abilities financially. Be realistic here––thinking everything will be okay when you're already up to your eyeballs in debt is irresponsible. Clear the decks as much as possible where debts are concerned and remember that clean, used goods are fine for baby––you don't need the very latest or best in everything, provided what you buy is safe and clean.
6.Take care of your body physically. Caring for the physical needs of your pregnant body can help to prepare you emotionally for a pregnancy. Many women experience intense emotions as a result of hormone fluctuations and the dramatic changes that their bodies encounter during a pregnancy. Some women are shocked to find that they have "mommy brain" and can't think straight during some or all of the pregnancy. While this doesn't happen to all pregnant women, for those who do experience it, it can be very distracting. This might mean considering reduced duties if working, scheduling earlier bedtimes and getting help with things that you find tax your energy too much.
- Complications like diabetes or drastic weight gain can contribute to emotional stability during a pregnancy. If you have medical complications or weight issues, be in regular contact with your doctor and other relevant medical carers to ensure that you are getting the correct care at all times. Remember that no question is a stupid question––if you have a worry, you have a right to raise it and seek reassurance.
- By exercising regularly and eating a healthy diet, you can take greater physical control over your body. In turn, this can help to create better emotional control.
7.Prepare for the birth––and after the birth––during a pregnancy. Many women and their partners find emotional relief and stability when they tackle pregnancy-related tasks one at a time. Planning a baby shower, decorating a baby nursery, purchasing baby clothing and accessories, purchasing maternity attire and picking out a baby name are all simple, easy tasks that can be completed in stages so that a pregnancy doesn't become overwhelming. Moreover, be sure to attend birthing classes regularly and inquire about after-birth baby care classes too––you can never learn too early what you'll soon have to know how to do. Consider drawing up a timetable plan and marking in suitable times for each thing you'd like achieved. Most of all, aim to be as rested, contented and un-rushed as possible. Pregnancy can feel like forever but it is a time in which you can really nurture yourself as well as the baby and should ultimately be a time of personal contentment, if you let it be. Don't try to keep doing everything you've already done––dust bunnies can wait, as can hosting the dinner party for the curious.
- Be aware that many women experience what is commonly called "nesting instinct" toward the end of pregnancy, a period of intense activity arising out of a boost of energy that lets you get baby's room and requirements ready. This can help you to get those last minute things organized with pep.
8.Communicate regularly during a pregnancy. The best way to emotionally prepare before and during a pregnancy is to regularly communicate about your fears, your hopes, your desires and your anxiety. Communicating with your partner, your parents, siblings and friends will help to ease the emotional burden that is often associated with a pregnancy. You are going through a physically and emotionally challenging time and it is important to use the support of others to bolster your morale and to help you feel like you can cope. Even if you live far away from most family members, there are always hospital and midwife resources on which you can draw for added support, and the internet can be another source of support by checking out pregnancy forums and the like. Join a few online mom's groups when you've had a look around for ones you like––they're super for reassurance at 3 AM in the morning!
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